Biohacker
Bryan Johnson
The Man Who Would Not Die
Special Move: Blood transfusions from his teenage son. 100+ pills daily. $2M/year budget. Publishes every biomarker online.
Self-Awareness:2
Pills/Day:111
"My 18-year-old son's blood is the fountain of youth"
Biohacker
Dave Asprey
Bulletproof Coffee's Bulletproof Ego
Special Move: Put butter in coffee, called it innovation. Claims he'll live to 180. Stem cell injections.
Butter Consumed:∞
Years Promised:180
"I spent $1 million hacking my own biology"
Fraud
Liver King
Ancestral Liar
Special Move: Ate raw liver on camera. Preached "ancestral living." Was on $10k/month of steroids the whole time.
Authenticity:0
Steroids/mo:$10k
"I just eat liver bro" (and inject testosterone)
CEO of Goop
Gwyneth Paltrow
Jade Egg Empress
Special Move: Vagina candles. Jade eggs for your yoni. Vaginal steaming. $75 supplements. Got sued, kept going.
FDA Warnings:Many
Lawsuits:Several
clean beauty
yoni
detox
"This candle smells like my vagina" - actual product
Manifestor
Rhonda Byrne
The Secret Keeper
Special Move: Wrote "The Secret." Told people they can manifest anything by thinking about it. Blame the victim if it doesn't work.
Copies Sold:30M
Science:0
law of attraction
vibration
manifest
"You attracted your own cancer with negative thoughts"
Channel
Esther Hicks
Abraham's Vessel
Special Move: "Channels" a group of spirits called Abraham. Charges thousands for workshops. Speaks in a weird cadence when "channeling."
Entities:Abraham
Workshop:$1000+
vortex
alignment
source energy
"Abraham says you create your own reality" (Abraham is her)
Podcaster
Tim Ferriss
The 4-Hour Humble Bragger
Special Move: "4-Hour" everything. Now just asks billionaires about morning routines. Name-drops constantly.
Hours Claimed:4
Actual Hours:80
"When I was having dinner with [famous person]..."
Stoic™
Ryan Holiday
Marcus Aurelius's Marketing Manager
Special Move: Turned ancient philosophy into a newsletter. Sells the same ideas in 47 different books. Daily Stoic™ empire.
Books (Same Idea):12
Emails/Day:3
"The obstacle is the way... to my bank account"
One Book
James Clear
Mr. 1% Better
Special Move: Wrote one book about habits. Has produced infinite content about getting 1% better every day.
Books:1
Tweets About It:∞
"1% better every day = 37x better in a year" (not how math works)
Angel Philosopher
Naval Ravikant
Fortune Cookie Billionaire
Special Move: Tweets cryptic wisdom. "How to get rich without getting lucky." Speaks in koans.
Words/Tweet:12
Depth:Shallow
"Seek wealth, not money" (has billions)
Fallen
Rachel Hollis
Girl, Wash Your Privilege
Special Move: "Girl, Wash Your Face." Toxic positivity. Compared herself to Harriet Tubman. Marriage fell apart publicly.
Self-Awareness:-5
Status:Cancelled
girl, wash your face
sis
"I'm like Harriet Tubman" - said unironically
B-School
Marie Forleo
Everything Is Figureoutable™
Special Move: Trademarked "Everything is figureoutable." B-School costs $2000. Sells optimism to women who can't afford it.
Course Price:$2000
Substance:Low
figureoutable
multi-passionate
"The world needs that special gift that only you have" (pay me $2k)
Badass
Jen Sincero
You Are a Badass at Giving Me Money
Special Move: Wrote "You Are a Badass." Manifestation + hustle culture for women. Endless sequels.
Badass Books:5+
Original Ideas:1
badassery
money mindset
"You are a badass at making money" (buying my book)
MD Influencer
Peter Attia
Zone 2 Zealot
Special Move: 3-hour podcast episodes about not dying. Zone 2 cardio. Rapamycin. Makes simple things complicated.
"Let me explain VO2 max for the next 47 minutes"
Harvard
David Sinclair
The Supplement Salesman with a PhD
Special Move: Sells NMN supplements. Resveratrol evangelist. Harvard credentials lending legitimacy to sketchy claims.
Supplements Sold:∞
Peer Review:Pending
"Aging is a disease and I have the cure (for sale)"
Spirit Junkie
Gabby Bernstein
Millennial Marianne
Special Move: "Spirit Junkie." Manifesting. A Course in Miracles but make it Instagram. Super Attractor™.
super attractor
spirit junkie
"The universe has your back" (results may vary)
Candidate
Marianne Williamson
A Course in Running for President
Special Move: A Course in Miracles teacher. Ran for president. Wants to create a Department of Peace.
Miracles:Pending
Elections Won:0
dark psychic force
politics of love
"We need to defeat the dark psychic force" - at a debate
Dangerous
Teal Swan
The Spiritual Catalyst
Special Move: Controversial spiritual teacher. Accused of cult behavior. Gave dangerous advice about suicide.
Red Flags:∞
Documentaries:1
completion process
frequency
"I am an Arcturian" - claims to be an alien soul
Hustler
Gary Vaynerchuk
Grind Culture Incarnate
Special Move: Yells about working harder. Sleeps 4 hours. Produces 900 pieces of content per day. Exhausting.
"HUSTLE! GRIND! BUY MY NFTS!"
Tech CEO
Jack Dorsey
Silicon Valley Monk (Retired)
Special Move: One meal a day. Walked 5 miles to work. Ice baths. Silent meditation retreats. Has since calmed down.
Meals/Day:1
Status:Recovered
"Food is optional when you're disrupting industries"
Food Babe
Vani Hari
The Food Babe
Special Move: "If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it." Made people afraid of yoga mats in bread. Zero science background.
Chemistry Knowledge:0
Fear Mongering:100
food babe army
toxins
"There's yoga mat chemical in your bread!" (it's safe)
Medical Medium
Anthony William
Celery Juice Messiah
Special Move: Claims a spirit tells him medical information. Celery juice cures everything. No medical training.
Medical Degree:No
Spirit Guides:1
mystery illness
epstein-barr
"Spirit told me celery juice heals everything"
Podcast King
Joe Rogan
The Amplifier
Special Move: Gave all these people a microphone. Sauna. Elk meat. DMT. "It's entirely possible."
Guests Platformed:All
Sauna Temp:200°F
"Have you tried DMT and elk meat?"
Neuroscientist
Andrew Huberman
Morning Sunlight Protocol
Special Move: Legitimate scientist turned influencer. Morning sunlight. Very specific protocols. Accidentally created a cult.
Sunlight:10min
Protocols:∞
"Get morning sunlight in your eyes" (okay that one's actually good)
Ice Man
Wim Hof
Cold as a Personality
Special Move: Ice baths. Breathing techniques. Has a point, but followers think cold water cures everything.
Temperature:Cold
Shirts:0
"The cold is my master" (that's... concerning)
Trainer
Tracy Anderson
Celebrity Pseudoscience
Special Move: Gwyneth's trainer. Claims women shouldn't lift over 3 lbs. Made up exercise science. $900/month studio.
Max Weight:3 lbs
Monthly:$900
accessory muscles
tiny movements
"Women should never lift more than 3 pounds"
Biggest Loser
Jillian Michaels
Scream Your Way Thin
Special Move: Yelled at overweight people on TV. Biggest Loser created eating disorders. Now sells supplements.
shred
30-day
"Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going"
Cult Leader
Keith Raniere
Vanguard of NXIVM
Special Move: Created NXIVM "self-improvement" cult. Branded women. Sex trafficking. 120 years in prison.
Prison:120 yrs
Brands:Yes
executive success
vanguard
DOS
"I'm one of the smartest people in the world" - IQ fraud
Child Abuser
Jodi Hildebrandt
ConneXions Torturer
Special Move: "Parenting coach" who helped Ruby Franke torture her kids. Duct tape. Starvation. Called it "distortion." 30 years in prison.
Prison:30 yrs
License:Revoked
distortion
truth
principles
"Children lie" - while starving them
Giant
Tony Robbins
The Original Life Coach
Special Move: Walks on hot coals. Screams at stadiums. 6'7" of aggressive motivation. $600M net worth from telling you to try harder.
"I AM NOT YOUR GURU" (he is selling you guru services)
Quantum
Deepak Chopra
Quantum Consciousness Salesman
Special Move: Combines random science words with spirituality. "Quantum healing." Has been doing this since the 80s. Won't stop.
quantum healing
consciousness field
"Consciousness is the ground of all being" - means nothing
TV Doctor
Dr. Oz
America's Quack
Special Move: Promoted every miracle cure on TV. Green coffee beans. Raspberry ketones. Became a senator somehow.
Miracle Cures:100+
That Worked:0
"This could be the magic weight-loss cure" - said weekly
Professor
Jordan Peterson
Clean Your Room, Cry About Lobsters
Special Move: Tells young men to clean rooms. Cries about Pinocchio. Benzos. Meat-only diet. 3-hour lectures about chaos dragons.
Tears/Lecture:3+
Diet:Meat
"Roughly speaking, the dragon of chaos..." - 47 minutes later
Garage
Tai Lopez
Here In My Garage
Special Move: Books and Lamborghinis. "KNOWLEDGE." Ran ads so much YouTube had to change their policy.
Books:A day
Lambos:Rented
"Here in my garage, just bought this new Lamborghini here"
10X
Grant Cardone
10X Everything Bro
Special Move: Yells about 10X-ing everything. Scientologist. Real estate seminars. Makes Gary Vee look calm.
Multiplier:10X
Inside Voice:No
"10X YOUR INCOME 10X YOUR LIFE 10X EVERYTHING"
Rich Dad
Robert Kiyosaki
Rich Dad (Doesn't Exist)
Special Move: Wrote "Rich Dad Poor Dad." Rich dad was fictional. Went bankrupt. Still sells financial advice.
Rich Dad:Fake
Bankruptcies:1
"Assets put money in your pocket" - filed for bankruptcy
Satirist→Grifter
JP Sears
Became The Joke
Special Move: Made fun of wellness culture. Became a right-wing wellness grifter. Full heel turn.
Self-Awareness:Lost
Hair:Red
"I used to satirize these people" - is now these people
Shaman
Shaman Durek
Gwyneth's Spirit Guide
Special Move: Dating Norwegian princess. Sells $222 "Spirit Optimizer" medallion. Claims to have died and come back.
Medallion:$222
Deaths:Claims 1
spirit optimizer
shamanic tech
"I am a shaman to the stars" (literally dating a princess)
Fraud
Belle Gibson
The Whole Pantry of Lies
Special Move: Claimed she healed her brain cancer with diet. Never had cancer. Built an app empire. Got caught.
"None of it is true" - finally admitted
Theranos
Elizabeth Holmes
Fake It Till You're Imprisoned
Special Move: Promised revolutionary blood tests. None of it worked. Deep voice. Black turtleneck. 11 years in prison.
Prison:11 yrs
Working Tests:0
"This is what happens when you work to change things" - at sentencing
Dispenza
Joe Dispenza
Meditate Away Your Illness
Special Move: Claims meditation can heal any disease. Week-long retreats. Neuroscience words without the science.
Retreats:$2000+
Cures:Claimed
supernatural
becoming
"You can heal yourself with your mind" (please also see a doctor)