Crypto
Sam Bankman-Fried
Effective Altruism's Favorite Thief
Grift: Stole $8 billion in customer funds. Played League of Legends during meetings. Pretended to care about saving the world.
"I'm sorry" - after getting caught
Megachurch
Kenneth Copeland
Demon Eyes Prosperity Gospel
Grift: $300M net worth from telling poor people God wants them to give him money. Private jets. That interview where he looked possessed.
"I can't fly commercial, I'd have to talk to demons" - actual quote
Megachurch
Joel Osteen
Smile While Houston Drowns
Grift: Locked his megachurch during Hurricane Harvey. $100M net worth. Prosperity gospel with better teeth.
Net Worth:$100M
Flood Victims Helped:Eventually
"The church was inaccessible" - it wasn't
Corporate
Adam Neumann
WeWork's $47B Nothing
Grift: Convinced people a real estate company was a tech company. Walked away with $1B when it collapsed. Doing it again with apartments.
Peak Valuation:$47B
Actual Value:~$0
"We are here to change the world" - rented desks
Crypto
Do Kwon
Terra Luna to Zero
Grift: Created algorithmic stablecoin. It wasn't stable. $40 billion vanished in days. Fled to Montenegro.
Vaporized:$40B
Status:Arrested
"I don't debate the poor" - before the crash
Political
George Santos
Lied About Everything
Grift: Fake resume. Fake heritage. Fake charity. Stole from donors. Still got elected. Got expelled. Running again.
True Statements:0
Shame:0
"I am not a criminal" - facing 23 federal charges
Pharma
Martin Shkreli
Pharma Bro
Grift: Raised AIDS drug price 5,000%. Smirked at Congress. Bought Wu-Tang album. Finally went to prison for fraud.
Price Increase:5,000%
Prison:7 yrs
"I probably would have raised it higher"
Megachurch
Jerry Falwell Jr.
Liberty University's Pool Boy Scandal
Grift: Ran Christian university. Wife had affair with pool boy. He watched. Embezzled millions. Still claiming moral authority.
Hypocrisy:∞
Settlement:$10M+
"I'm a good person" - narrator: he wasn't
Corporate
Travis Kalanick
Uber's Original Sin
Grift: Built Uber by breaking every law. Toxic culture. Spied on competitors. Berated drivers. Golden parachute exit.
Laws Broken:Many
Exit Package:$2.7B
"We're just a technology platform" - when drivers got hurt
Finance
Bernie Madoff
The Original Ponzi King
Grift: Largest Ponzi scheme in history. $65 billion. Ran it for decades. Only got caught when the market crashed.
Stolen:$65B
Prison:150 yrs
"I'm sorry" - same energy as SBF
MLM
LuLaRoe Founders
Leggings Pyramid Scheme
Grift: Convinced women to buy $5k-$10k in ugly leggings. Defective products. Destroyed families. Founders bought mansions.
Victims:Thousands
Ugly Patterns:∞
"You're a business owner!" - you're inventory
Megachurch
Jim Bakker
Came Back From Prison
Grift: 1980s televangelist. Prison for fraud. Came back selling apocalypse food buckets and fake COVID cures.
"God told me to come back" - to sell more stuff
Influence
Andrew Tate
Hustler's University Dropout
Grift: Sold courses on being an asshole. Ran webcam business. Moved to Romania. Human trafficking charges. Still has fans.
Red Flags:∞
Status:Charged
"What color is your Bugatti?" - facing prison
Corporate
The Sackler Family
Opioid Empire
Grift: Knew OxyContin was addictive. Pushed it anyway. 500,000+ dead. Paid fines, kept billions, got immunity.
Deaths:500K+
Prison Time:0
"We did nothing wrong" - while funding museums
Telecom
Every Cable Company CEO
The Legal Monopolists
Grift: Carve up territories. Never compete. Worst customer service on earth. Buy politicians. Raise prices forever.
Competition:0
Customer Satisfaction:LOL
"We value our customers" - while on hold for 3 hours